Blog Closed Until Jan. 31st, 2010

But I will be back sooner than soon, spouting off new fads, labels and inspos like I never left!

I Love Acne.

And before you perverts start thinking that I'm turned on by a severely blemished and infected face, remember this, Acne is a fashion brand created by supreme Swedish coolster Jonny Johansson. In fact, not only is it "a" fashion brand, it is "the" fashion brand. It describes the moment with its mix of punk-minimalism and of-the-moment trends, such as suede fringe, drainpipes, tulle skirts (read: TUTUS) and asymmetry.

But the real drawing point to the brand is Jonny and his fashionosophy, much the same as my own, to use all sources of creativity to inspire your style and fashion whims. He collarabates not just with other fashionistos and as, such as Lanvin's Alber Ebaz, but also with artists, jewellers, you name it, he's on it.

Acne the "creative collective" (according to the most recent Elle Magazine) includes not just the predominantly jeans-based line but also branches into film and magazines (the very avant-garde Acne Paper is almsot a little toooo cool for my taste. But this all adds to the ultimate defining of the alternative label.)
He's an unpredictable fashion maverick, he pops in a land where everybody basically seems to have one interest: fashion. Old Jonny, he's a Jack-of-all-trades, and his main identity is not that of jeans creator, but massive punker, with his favourite book listed as Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk by Legs McNeil and his most valued possession as his Fender Stratocaster in Daphne Blue. Oh Jonny Boy, what a Swede!

His last quote in the interview? "I like people who are more interesting than I am. I surround myself with them at Acne. it makes me better at what I do." Admirable.

"It's a Mini Pandemic!"

Though this may enrage District 2 School Superintendant Karen Branscombe (known to some of us as Karen "Pleather-Mama" Branscombe due to her love of faux-cow hide), hemlines have done nothing but recede recently, and will continue to do so in the near future.

Their a-shrinking alright, shorts, skirts, dresses, all of 'em. I hate to make such a judgement as this, (not really) but if it's past mid-thigh, it won't fly. Here we have some testimonials to the short skirt cause: below, we have Dakota Fanning, who has surprised us all by growing up- apparently she's about my age, who would've known? Then, of course M.I.A. in one hell of a dress. Versace is below along with three young starlets, including my personal favourite, Hermione. Below that, Prada and McQueen decree shortliness next to godliness. So it was written, and so it shall be.

It's a Mod-House in Here!

Much like Vince Noir (Noel Fielding's charcter off the Mighty Boosh), many of us would like to be Mod royalty, but would not know exactly what this entails.

(See The Mod Wolves Dance from the Mighty Boosh episode "Jungle" here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QSE8Chk8RA)

Well, you're out of luck if you're looking for answers here, because though I have found an AMAZING shopping website with the word "Mod" in it, ModCloth.com, there are not many of the hallmarks of modism on sale there- no blue suits and white bags with a target symbol on them and absolutely NO British flag paraphenalia/accoutrements.

DO, however, expect to find a website that contaisn only class, no trash, for pretty admirable prices, and DO expect to wet yourself with gusto. But try not to. You're a bit old for that.

Here below I will release some sneaky previews to wet your pallet and get your gusto up, I have included items that I believe would please both Mods and Vince Noir/ Noel Fielding, as well, of course, as some things that suit my own personal tastings:

Nuggets and Grains.

You have, by now, seen my inspirations. You know what they're up to. (if you haven't, don't be a lazy bastard, scroll down and take a peak-see). Now, you say, what can we learn stylistically from these people? Ohohohohhhh. Much, very much is what that chortle signified. Scan your little eye-invaders below on five of my fashion weather-cocks and see if you like their truths and wisdoms, which, in hindsight, might've been a more appealing title for this post.

Noel Fielding:

Lesson 1) Never wear BROWN. There is no brown with a sexy feel to it, there's no such thing. You either look extremely neutral, or like a big peice of shit, neither of which is very appealing.

Lesson 2) Glitz, sparkle, glitter, neon colour, it all draws the eyes to you, so make sure your hair looks great. Root boost like mad. Every part of you must command attention.

Lesson 3) Boots are highly sexual, wear white and red ones to make that even more pronounced.

Lesson 4) There's no such thing as having TOO fantastic an outift, never try to tone yourself down.

Alright, thank you for that Noel, let's move on.

M.I.A.:

Lesson 1) Spandex is pretty rad, it makes you look like a super hero.

Lesson 2) In fact, the entire thigh area is good, flaunt that. Unless you're in high school, because that sort of thing is frowned upon in high school, as there is, and should never be, anything sexual about it to lighten the mood up. Please wear loose, comfortable pants. Not so loose as to expose your bottom, mind. And if you absolutely need to wear a skirt, please contain yourself and wear something at least to your ankles, if not considerably longer. And, if possible, we would like never to be reminded that you have breasts. They can distract.

3) Be very original with your accessories. Wear things that aren't supposed to be worn. Have fun with it. If you EVER cry over what you're wearing you've missed the point of fashion altogether and are taking yourself much too seriously. You've got to have a functional relationship with both your body and your clothes to make a go of this, and if it doesn't work out (which many, many a time it won't, this happens to the best of us) then that's how it is. Just be jolly and roll with it, at least your attitude will be becoming.

Good tips there M.I.A., thanks girlfriend.

Russell Brand:

Lesson 1) The main lesson with R. Brand here is layering. Layer like a modern pirate, with both loose and tight, also juxtapose that with tight pants and slick boots. The ultimate layer job, hard to achieve and, some believe, naught but an urban myth, is the LACE LAYER. This is a phenomena in which you layer so many see-through, cut-out and other- wise innapropriate items that, in the end, nothing is revealed, but you've come off as a bad-ass. Store that in your fashion arsenal for a rainy day.

Thanks Russ, you're the fashion pirate in all of our hearts.

Becki Newton:

Lesson 1) ANYTHING can look good with the right amount of confidence, but you'll look especially good with anything tight, bright and belted.

Lesson 2) "Borrow" things, take every free sample you can get and mooch like there's no tomorrow, also, if there's a sale, you're actually SAVING money, and make sure to raise a good eyebrow at anyone who tells you different.

Becki, we've run out of time but we've loved every minute of it, thank you.

Faris Badwan:

Lesson 1) You know what is good? The colour black and tight little pants the British like to call drainpipes. And that is all that is good.

You've been great, thanks Faris.

There's five of my inspirations, spitting advice like there's no tomorrow, take it all in, cause one day you're gonna want to know how to dress in a trendy downtown setting and these babes show us the way. And basically the lesson is tight as fuck and deliciously glitzy glam. I know that's how I live my life, how 'bout you?

It's Amazing, I'm Amazing.

You know, there's a great deal we can learn from Kanye West. For one, do what you feel, and if that includes humiliating a teenage girl during a very important event in her life, for God's sake, DO IT!
It makes for great television. Besides, where does Taylor Swift get off, winning the Best Female Video Music Award, or whatever the hell it was. Beyonce had cleared a spot off on her Trophy Shelf! Travesty.
But what Kanye most importantly teaches us is to be a cocky bastard. Or at least to have a wee cocky bastard within us, bigging us up.
You only have one life. Shouldn't you live it like there's only on person on the planet to please, and that's you?
Yeah yeah, that sounds bad, but what I'm trying to get at is, well, you deserve it. Everyone does. Of course we ARE still going to look out for and compromise for those important people in our lives, our friends and family, and, in reality, so does Kanye, but he also looks out for number one, a healthy approach to life.
Take it from Kanye, DON'T let the 50 cents of life out-sell you, and DO have enough confidence to be able to sing a little ditty he and Youn Jeezy slapped up for his latest album, one part goes a little something like this: "It's amazing/ I'm the reason/ Everyone got up this evenin'" And unlike other self-conscious music stars, he actually means it, and doesn't go chuck up in a toilet after singing that.
What a man. Let's all remember the little Kanye inside, enjoy life, be amazing and, most importantly, be unafraid of that amazingness.

I Like You, You're Catchy.

The Tings Tings to the left with lead singer Katie White, or as I like to call her, the White Funk. She has a modern-day Blondie look going on, which I applaud, loudly, like the last man in the theatre. Then down there underneath my word-candies there's the Sex Pistols, which I think have a certain "nuff said" quality about them, so I'll simply say the Gods of Punk, and that truly is 'nuff said.

Here is my favourite funny woman right now, Becki Newton off of the amazing show "Ugly Betty" (Don't diss it 'till you've tried it, you cynical TV whores, i know what you're thinking) She's a funny, sexy bitch. I love her, and her fashion choices. Down there she's attending some fashion thing with riff raff. Above, Mr. Austin Powers, the leading proponent of free love, and look at him, the sexy beast, no woman can resist him. That suit is no longer far-fetched, invest in one much like it, boys.

There's that ridiculously cool hip-hop world monster M.I.A., good god, she can pull off anything, do anything, sing anything and I'd follow the trend as gospel. What a cool chicky.

These Bad boys are Andrew Van Wyngarden from MGMT and his hirsute band-mate, of which I cannot be bothered to look up his name. He's just not got the charisma of Van Wyngarden, and by charisma, I mean looks. I very much respect the musical talent of these two.

Ke$ha: a woman with true balls, who else could turn the whole hip-hop genre on its head by saying such typically male things as: "Don't be a lil bitch witcha chit chat, just turn around boy, let me hit that!" and likening herself to P. Diddy. What an inspiration. She makes me wanna dance wit no pants on. And there in the corner is Iggy Pop, an old school inspiration- The Stooges, anyone? he's with his friend Handsome Dick Manitoba. The guy with the whafro. They make a handsome couple, don't they?

Noel Fielding? Noel Fielding? Can you hear me? It's me, Rose Behar, can I have a little of that funk shake?

That's right, I do pray to this man. If he wore a toga, he would be a God.

And here he is with Julian Barratt, another comedy genius, and with a style all his own. Mostly it's his brilliance that inspires me, but there's something about his profound muffin cordouroys, hawaiin print shirts and brown felt fedoras that are intriguing, or maybe it's just his legs, Reoww. Those babies drive me crazy.

Russell Brand, a complex man, I have come to find out after reading his memoir, My Booky Wook. Don't let that title confuse you there's nothing booky-wooky about it, it's an insane, tell-all, only semi-humourous autobiography. But it's not depressing, it's just real, like Brand. You come to realize he's not joking really, ever, all the outrageous things he says are REAL, the fashion-pirate. What a man!

Barratt again, riffing like a motherbitch on an electro-keyboard.











I am in no way able to resist squealing over Faris Badwan like the rest of his obsessive fans. The sex-appeal of Badwan, often inexplicably referred to as Faris Rotter, is magnetic. Just ask all the girls on his fan pages on facebook. And that one guy. He was pretty into Badwan as well. And who can blame him? Look at him, that cheeky, punky, young bastard, staggering around on stage.

Here's good old Lily Allen, always hip, always partying, always saying weird shit and flashing her boobs. I approve of all. Boobs are meant to be flashed, not hidden away in those great wire-fabric cages that they're always in. Have you EVER heard a breast say it wanted to be in there? No.